It's Okay Now

It dropped 30 degrees on my car ride home.
Then the wind began to gust and snow began to drop… like crazy.
I left Dallas in a T-Shirt I arrived in Kansas in my North Face and by Christmas Day, we were snowed in at our house.

When the weather changes, clothing changes.  When seasons of life change… so do people.  And that’s okay.

I’m getting ready to turn 30 (How do you make screaming emoticons? I need one right there…) This birthday has had me reflecting on a lot of things and the biggest is change.

“If you love them, let them go.”

There is something to be said for “holding loosely” seasons of life and even people in each season.  We hold loosely  not because we don’t love those we do life with nor because we want anything to change, but we want to be ready when it’s time to step into the great unknown.  Each dream and each calling on all of our lives will require a change from immaturity to maturity.  Sometimes it’s a 30 degree drop in 2 hours where all the sudden the season is different, and sometimes it’s gradual.

In Relationships, Good Change Can Mean…

• Dynamics in friendships change.
• You don’t see people as much as you used to.
• Schedules begin to naturally conflict.
• Life just looks different because it shifts and adjusts.

…and that’s really, really okay.  In fact it’s good.

For all of us, let’s remember that we want our friends to be prepared for every new season that is awaiting them, even if it doesn’t include us in the same capacity.

For those of you I’ve walked with, I hope that you know that I will do all I can to be your biggest supporter and your greatest cheerleader, because I believe in you and your dreams.  And of course, my ever-ending-never-fading loyal self would love to be your best friend in every season, but maturity tells me that more important than that… I want you to walk in obedience to where God is leading you.

And for me… I go back to Dallas tomorrow… and am hoping that the temperature will take a little ride up another 30 degrees because I’m cold.

As a quick disclaimer, this email is unrelated to any relationship in my life, but is more of reflections on change.

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Life can get sour and sometimes it happens quickly. Dreams are broken. Hopes become distant and fading. Desires get dismissed.  As much as I’d love to paint you a beautiful picture of the perfection that life could be, it just isn’t.  And when life isn’t perfect and we’re facing dead-on the presence of a broken dream, it can be painful.

When I went to buy this domain name a while ago and decided to call it “It’s Okay Now” those are the things that went through my head.  Life happens… and how amazing would it be if we could be able to look at the past and say, “it’s okay now…”  But the truth is that life happens and when we are in the middle of it… It’s easier said than done.  Hope needs to be rekindled and dreams need to be rebuilt… Today I’ve been thinking for a long time as I drove from Texas to Kansas for the holiday, so we’ll see how well I can even convey my thoughts.  This is probably a more candid post of my thoughts more than anything.

Wikipedia (quite possibly my most favorite domain on the Internet) says that hope in a theological context is one of the three virtues (faith, hope and love). Hope is not a physical emotion, but a spiritual grace. That is what separates it from positive thinking.  I am thankful for hope, because it’s something that I can’t work up on my own. I do believe that it is a spiritual grace, which means that when the emotion depletes, God will restore it… and I know for me, He’s been so faithful to swoop in and restore.

I Will Plant Myself at the Gates of Hope

We choose hope too.  And sometimes we have to fight for it.  When the doubts come, we sometimes have to find our Truth and declare part 2 of the verse:  “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)

God is Faithful. He can’t not be.  So on days were the sun seems to be a bit dimmer and the pain a bit stronger, remember the character of our God and plant yourself at the Gate of Hope.

“Expect to have hope rekindled.  Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.  The dry seasons in life do not last.  The spring rains will come again.”

-Sarah Ban Breathnach

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Remember when President Obama was running for election? Everyone had something to say about it. I remember it well… I was sitting at Paradise Bakery in a back cove working on my laptop, engrossed in a spreadsheet.  Suddenly, out of nowhere this guy was standing in front of me with an Obama pin asking me who I was going to vote for. I was completely caught off-guard.  At that point it wouldn’t have mattered if I was Obama’s Campaign Manager, what mattered was that he was being rude and abrasive.  But, I was sweet and told him “no thank you” to the pin he was offering.  He then pressed on, “Who are you voting for?  Why are you voting for them?  Did you know this? Did you know that?” In my head I’m thinking… “Dude! All I know right now is that you’re in my space and being completely inconsiderate!”

… and then it hit me… abrasive evangelism…

Abrasive Evangelism

For those of you that have grown up in the Church, you know what I mean.  A few well-intentioned, zealous people head out to evangelize on the streets, in the malls, etc.  Many times it’s very proper and well-done, soup is handed out, conversations naturally arise, people are served and befriended, and that’s not what I’m talking about… The Obama guy reminded me more of tactics I’ve seen where people will go up to strangers in malls, restaurants, etc. and want to strike up a conversation… and it’s just out of place. Please understand, I am not making a bold statement telling anyone what to do or what not to do.  God leads many directions, and I am not one to be so arrogant as to say what God will not and will not do, but hear me out.

With my experience with the zealous Obama pusher, I came to understand how it must seem. No matter how amazing the message might be, when presented in an inconsiderate, intrusive way, it makes it very hard for the Message to be heard.

The other evening as I was reading in 1 Peter my heart quieted as I read these words that clarified it for me:

“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

1 Peter 3:15-16

I think that says it well. When Christ is set apart as Lord in your life and living for Him dominates your everything, it will show. It will show everywhere you are because it colors your life… peace, joy and hope cannot be hidden.  When people ask about it or when it comes up in conversation, you will naturally give a reason for the hope that you have – with gentleness and respect. It represents our Message better anyway.

Thoughts on Real Life Evangelism

Sometimes I wonder if the reason people can be abrasive in evangelism is because we feel like somehow we are solely responsible for the salvation of others.  And we feel as if we don’t “evangelize” then one day God and his golden hammer will hit us over the head.

Here’s the deal… I have to believe that when the Bible says, “the Holy Spirit draws all men unto Himself” that means exactly that.  “We are his instruments” which means we are to live a life that exemplifies the presence of God and his mercy for us and for our friends… The opportunity to talk about our Hope naturally should frequent our lives, because it is the Hope that colors our everything. Gentleness and respect are easy when you have set apart Christ as Lord and are allowing His goodness to flow through you.  When the opportunity comes (and it will) you’ll naturally give the reason for the Hope that you have and people will understand and respect it, because it matches what they’ve seen in you.

Those are my thoughts from my untheological mind.

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So, there is this new TV show that is coming out. It’s called Men of a Certain Age.  I haven’t seen an episode, but have only heard the clips that play as I’m jammin’ to Pandora during work.  I’ve got to say, although I have not seen an episode, I do have a soap box and get ready… I’m climbing on it.

The script on the commercial is something like this… “She changed, I changed and so we went our separate ways.”  They are apparently men that are entering the “Second Act” of their lives… the mid-life. Maybe I’m a romantic or an idealist, but the whole premise is frustrating to me because in that one statement that justified the end of the “1st Act” and the beginning of the 2nd was just selfishness.  I guess, the reason it frustrates me is because I’m certain that it’s true. I’m certain that few couples would say that 20 years into their marriage, they are married to the same person they met in their twenties. However, I think that the beautiful thing about marriage is that 20 years into your marriage you could look at the spouse and say, you changed, I changed… and here we are… stronger and better. I think that the only way that probably happens is when you have:

… two people that choose to serve the other
… two people that choose to prefer the other
… two people that take care of the other
… two people that actually do change, but the focus of the change is to become better people individually.

Maybe that’s idealistic… But, that’s my soapbox… Climbing off now.

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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was one of my favorite movies growing up.  There is nothing quite like seeing a good kid strike it big and enter into every child’s dreamland… a factory full of everything that I wasn’t allowed to eat.  You know the story well, the little boy finds a golden ticket that takes him into his candy wonderland. By the end of the movie, Charlie has gone through challenges to his character. And like every good movie he’s still a hero at the end.

Where Is the Golden Ticket?

Most of my life I have been looking for my own version of that golden ticket.  Have you?  When I graduated high school, I needed the fastest ticket out of small town USA. When I graduated college, I needed the fastest answer to “my destiny’s call”.  When things started to get hard at work, I wanted the fastest ticket out of my job and into a new one.  And when I was tired of whatever “season” of life I found myself in, I needed a golden ticket out.  But my golden tickets rarely come…

I love golden tickets… They open doors for you that you’ve been begging to have opened. They give you this amazing high and you can tell that someone’s looking out for you.  But the thing is… when you have a golden ticket to a chocolate factory… at the end of the day, you’ve got a stomach ache and things just don’t look like they did at the beginning… Your pants fit a little snugger and you realize that even though it looked good… It was probably not a good idea.

Maybe the whole idea of a golden ticket is a farce.  Every time I’ve faced something hard and came out on the other side, I was able to emerge with more joy, more peace, more strength and more faith… Not a bad deal, but definitely no golden ticket in hand.

So maybe the question isn’t, “Where is the golden ticket?” Maybe the real question is, “What is it that I need to learn today, right where I am?”

Maybe living the hard times well is the best gift we can give our future.

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“All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is exclusively my own.”

- Goethe

My cousin, Jacob, posted that. I can’t stop thinking about it.  There are so many things that we use to define success: cars, houses, bank accounts, influence, children, job titles…  But at the end of the day, no matter what we attain, where is it going to leave us?  It’s okay now?   What does that even mean? This quote defines the underlying core of everything I strive to attain.  Freedom of Heart.

I had a paper route when I was little.  I remember riding that route in sixth grade and collecting the money from my “clients” (Are you allowed to call them clients when you’re 12?) One thing I learned at 12 was that people can be mean. I remember being 12 and thinking about how I needed to make sure that I forgave people every time I got a chance, because the bitterness and hardness that I found in some of the elderly people on my block handicapped them more than their physical ailments ever could. There is a distinct difference between adults that have taken care of their heart and those that haven’t.  When you don’t there is bitterness, anger, resentment, jealousy, envy and no matter how you try to hide it, the warmth of love leaves and that’s no way to live.

Today as I think on that quote, I am once again challenged, to live with freedom of heart. No matter where success may take us, I think we’d all rather live a low life with the fullness of freedom in my heart, than to be plagued with the unforgiveness of years and the resentment for what life could have been. 

Life is what is and it will be full if my heart is free.

What are your thoughts?  How do you protect your heart from bitterness, anger and envy?Tweet

I’m not sure about you, but I tend to think on scales.  Go big or go home, right?  If you’re going to do something, make it memorable. If you’re organizing an event, make it as big as possible.  If you’re writing a card, make them cry. If you’re going to change something, change the world. Right?  Or not?

What if true significance is so much less (and actually much, much more) than that?

How do we know if what we are doing is significant?

This question has been one that I have labored over for years and years.  In fact, if you were to ask me how I would know if my life was significant, my answer would have something to do with something big and possibly flashy.

Maybe I was dead wrong.

Significance isn’t usually made in the flashy moments or the romantic moments.  Significance of life is birthed the minute your life was significant to another person’s life.  Arnita Taylor said that a couple months ago, and I haven’t been able to shake it.

My life was changed by…

• The person who listened to me when I lost my job.
• The person who told me what was True when I was afraid of everything.
• The person who opened their home to me when I had nowhere to live.
• The person (people) who spoke the right thing to me at the precise time I needed to hear it.

Those lives have been more significant to me than I could ever express.  Their contributions and love for me in my lowest moments… no one may never touch that place.  They may not be writing bestsellers, speaking to thousands, running corporations or countries, but in my life they have born more significance than any bestselling author will ever dream to.

Like Arnita said, if you’ve had one significant moment than your life has significance.Tweet

It’s not every day you get to do yoga in a 98 degree room with 60% humidity. It certainly isn’t every day that you get Demetri as your teacher.  Disclaimer: He’s quite possibly the sweetest guy on the planet. However, after 90 minutes of time spent with our sweet Demetri… I’m still not sure what just  happened.

Remember Charlie Brown’s mom and every adult in the cartoon for that matter?  Well, imagine Mama Brown (but a dude), in yoga shorts, and with an Irish accent (or maybe don’t…).  All I can say is it sounded like “dote-dee-doe”… and hold…  “dote-dee-doe” … and hold… If I hadn’t been taking the class for a while, there would be absolutely no way that I would have known what to do.

The Flexible Scottish Man’s Lessons

Lesson #1: You can actually tell someone’s character without them saying a word.

I have no idea what Demetri has ever been saying when he’s spoken to me. However, his character shines. He is warm and kind and you can tell.  Lesson?  Love with your life and your countenance, not just with your words.

Lesson #2: Sometimes you’ll just know what to do.

Once you’ve been in yoga for awhile, you know what the next move is.  Sometimes when I’m asking God direction on an issue, I’m not sure what the next step is for me to take.  However, I’ve been in class for awhile listening to the best Instructor, so I trust that when the time comes for me to get into position, I’ll know what to do.

Thanks Demetri… Both for the lessons and for not wearing the stretchy shorts today.

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It snowed today in Dallas.  The big flakes made their entrance this morning, covered the ground, then melted. Watching those flakes fall down and begin to cover the wet ground was an exciting moment, but I couldn’t help but think of how quickly I knew it was going to melt… In fact, it almost ruined the moment for me.  Knowing what “could be” almost took away from the beauty that “was”… The flakes were beautiful. They were huge. With the backdrop of the fall leaves falling at the same time, it was an early morning scene that couldn’t be topped.  But even in the beauty I found myself annoyed with what it wasn’t.

How often in life I wonder do I do that.  Life is what it is and it’s great and fulfilling and wonderful, yet I find myself annoyed with what it is not… after all, I know what it could be.  Not really the way I want to live. I remember reading a verse years ago (that I can’t find again for the life of me!) that said something to the affect… “like a man turning an arrow on himself, is the one that sits around and thinks of what he deserves.”  In that time of my life, that verse hit me hard. There was so much that I “deserved” at that point in life.  However, the more I focused on all that I deserved, the more I lost all of the priceless moments before me.

This morning, looking out at the large snowflakes against the fall colors, it all came back to me again. The chances of snow sticking in Texas are pretty slim… So, maybe I need to learn to just love the 15 minutes of snow with everything in me.  And in life to love the moment that I’m in with everything I’ve got.

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