It's Okay Now

Brace yourself because I am about to blast a very, very secret recipe across the world wide web for the first time ever in history. My friend and I created it when we were little… The name?  Friendship Blue.  For obvious reasons: We were friends and it was blue.

RECIPE: Water, sugar (lots of it), mint leaves (from the backyard) and blue food coloring.  Delicious.

We tried our best to only use these special ingredients in each batch of Friendship Blue (wouldn’t want to mess up this killer recipe with unknown variables), but if we had to substitute something, we could make that work as well.  These days Friendship Blue has become a bit too elementary for me. In fact, my formulas have gotten a lot more complicated… in everything.

The Problem with Formulas

Well, they kind of don’t work… and that sucks.  Here’s what I mean:

• Job: You are trained and qualified for a job + the job is a perfect fit = they’ll hire you.  Nope. Not always the case.
• Relationship Formula (one of many): She thinks he’s cute + he thinks she’s cute = they’ll date.  Nope. Not always the case.
• Calling/ Purpose: You feel you are supposed to go into ministry + you are following after God and active in community at church = you’ll begin full-time ministry right away. Nope. Not always the case.

Beyond the Formula

Greater than the ability to work a formula is the ability to look at all of the variables and create something far better.  God works beyond our formulas.  He sees the variables we don’t see. He is the greatest strategist, understanding how each piece effects the other. He understands the story beneath the story.

I’m not sure about you, but I am horrible at knowing “the right time to say the right thing, do the right thing, or be the right kind of person.”  All I can do is live and trust God with the variables.  Because in all honesty, I am usually clueless anyway.

Psalm 20:7-8

⁷ Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

⁸ They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.Tweet

I love Chick-fil-a… Not a romantic love (although we did toss the idea around for awhile), but more of a… “I love everything about how you taste” kind of love.  But the thing I love most about Chick-fil-a is that the leadership has a voice that goes beyond a brand.  They are a voice for family, faith and apparently even love.  Dan Cathy, CEO of this amazing gift to our country, wrote a post this week that really has me thinking.   In his post he said,

As I look on their marriage and the marriages around me, I am struck by a simple truth – Love is hard. I wish it was rainbows and sunny days all the time, but it’s just not. And one of the hardest things about love is that to experience it, you have to be willing to experience grief.

You don’t get to hand pick the things you want to open your heart to and the things you want to keep out. To open your heart to love is to open your heart to wide range of emotional experiences. To surrender your heart to love is to surrender your heart to a world of feelings and situations. One of which, is grief.

I really don’t have much more to add to that.  I just agree.  To open yourself to love is risky business.  Likely no matter how amazing it is, it probably will include hurt at some point. However, love is worth it. And any chance I get to love, I vow to choose it. Even if it hurts in the end, I want to love bigger today than I did yesterday.  Because a life without love, is no life at all. (Yes, that’s from Ever After)Tweet

This past week I was able to spend time with my closest childhood friend, Rachel. We’ve stayed in touch for the last 20 years, while she’s lived in Canada and I’ve been in the States.  Destination: Winkler, Manitoba. Turns out people live there! This was my first time to the city and with all of my heart, I hope it’s not my last.  While in Winkler, I didn’t have access to my cell phone and my Internet connection was spotty.  For the first time in years and years… I completely unplugged.

Several years ago, I went to the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta where Rob Bell talked about “unplugging from an online world”.  His talk focused around how we are inundated with information, radio waves and noise of every kind so that when we need need to hear God, it’s often just too loud.  I remember that talk so clearly and many times since have attempted to clear out the noise and hear God. It’s been good, but there was something different this week.

This week was just so peaceful.  I was surrounded by people that loved each other and loved Jesus. I was surrounded by people that had hearts to serve others over themselves. I was surrounded by old friends and new and quickly grew to respect and adore everyone.  I didn’t read my Bible for hours or spend hours in prayer… I simply quieted my surroundings and had time to listen and serve.  And today as I sit in Dallas with my life laying before me and my calendar for next week completely filled… my heart is rested and full.

There is a verse in Isaiah 30 that contains the phrase “in quietness and trust is your strength”. The way I feel in my heart right now has me thinking about that verse.  Once the noise has cleared, it seems much easier to look to Heaven and know that when my heart is quieted and my trust is renewed… my strength is found.  Tomorrow, I’ll start work and life will follow behind that. I’m looking forward to that, but the rest in my heart… I pray that remains for awhile. There is nothing sweeter than hearing the voice of my Lord gently leading, gently directing and gently showing me the way… And I know that of the things that I am asking about – one day, I’ll clearly hear him say, “this is the way, walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21)

Yes. I recommend unplugging completely from time to time… It’s refreshing.

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We’re all so different.  That’s why we need togetherness.

Togetherness… not sameness.

It’s all very logical to be sure.  Different strengths and weaknesses in a group of people naturally result in a stronger community. The only catch is… it is the differences that provide the breeding ground for judgment, insecurity, animosity and so many negative things.  Yet, if we have the resilience to breakthrough and overcome the negatives, differences are quite possibly the greatest strength a community of people possesses.

We all need each other.  Sometimes that is hard.  But it’s always worth it in the end.

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It’s not always as it seems…

He was mean, quite honestly, and half the things that he said hurt my feelings… painful.
She was rude and pretty much acted like the world revolved around her… obnoxious.
He was arrogant, and his arrogance was like nails on a chalkboard… infuriating.
She was pious, and acted as though she was the only one that knew the right answers… belittling.

Yet…

He was one of the most giving people I knew and would have taken a bullet for me in a heart beat… loving.
She was wise and beneath her calloused layers, she gave me profound opportunities and offered me hope… encouraging.
He had a heart for people and when he gave to the poor he gladly gave generously, not sparing anything… humbling.
She loved people with all of her heart and her desire to help others would often leave her neglecting her own needs… sacrificial.

It’s not always as it seems.  Beneath every layer of good, bad and ugly, you’ll find a human heart and a human spirit.  And that’s what I love.  It may not be the outward layer that I see at first glimpse, but beneath that layer, I love what’s there… beneath that layer, I love you.

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It dropped 30 degrees on my car ride home.
Then the wind began to gust and snow began to drop… like crazy.
I left Dallas in a T-Shirt I arrived in Kansas in my North Face and by Christmas Day, we were snowed in at our house.

When the weather changes, clothing changes.  When seasons of life change… so do people.  And that’s okay.

I’m getting ready to turn 30 (How do you make screaming emoticons? I need one right there…) This birthday has had me reflecting on a lot of things and the biggest is change.

“If you love them, let them go.”

There is something to be said for “holding loosely” seasons of life and even people in each season.  We hold loosely  not because we don’t love those we do life with nor because we want anything to change, but we want to be ready when it’s time to step into the great unknown.  Each dream and each calling on all of our lives will require a change from immaturity to maturity.  Sometimes it’s a 30 degree drop in 2 hours where all the sudden the season is different, and sometimes it’s gradual.

In Relationships, Good Change Can Mean…

• Dynamics in friendships change.
• You don’t see people as much as you used to.
• Schedules begin to naturally conflict.
• Life just looks different because it shifts and adjusts.

…and that’s really, really okay.  In fact it’s good.

For all of us, let’s remember that we want our friends to be prepared for every new season that is awaiting them, even if it doesn’t include us in the same capacity.

For those of you I’ve walked with, I hope that you know that I will do all I can to be your biggest supporter and your greatest cheerleader, because I believe in you and your dreams.  And of course, my ever-ending-never-fading loyal self would love to be your best friend in every season, but maturity tells me that more important than that… I want you to walk in obedience to where God is leading you.

And for me… I go back to Dallas tomorrow… and am hoping that the temperature will take a little ride up another 30 degrees because I’m cold.

As a quick disclaimer, this email is unrelated to any relationship in my life, but is more of reflections on change.

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Life can get sour and sometimes it happens quickly. Dreams are broken. Hopes become distant and fading. Desires get dismissed.  As much as I’d love to paint you a beautiful picture of the perfection that life could be, it just isn’t.  And when life isn’t perfect and we’re facing dead-on the presence of a broken dream, it can be painful.

When I went to buy this domain name a while ago and decided to call it “It’s Okay Now” those are the things that went through my head.  Life happens… and how amazing would it be if we could be able to look at the past and say, “it’s okay now…”  But the truth is that life happens and when we are in the middle of it… It’s easier said than done.  Hope needs to be rekindled and dreams need to be rebuilt… Today I’ve been thinking for a long time as I drove from Texas to Kansas for the holiday, so we’ll see how well I can even convey my thoughts.  This is probably a more candid post of my thoughts more than anything.

Wikipedia (quite possibly my most favorite domain on the Internet) says that hope in a theological context is one of the three virtues (faith, hope and love). Hope is not a physical emotion, but a spiritual grace. That is what separates it from positive thinking.  I am thankful for hope, because it’s something that I can’t work up on my own. I do believe that it is a spiritual grace, which means that when the emotion depletes, God will restore it… and I know for me, He’s been so faithful to swoop in and restore.

I Will Plant Myself at the Gates of Hope

We choose hope too.  And sometimes we have to fight for it.  When the doubts come, we sometimes have to find our Truth and declare part 2 of the verse:  “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)

God is Faithful. He can’t not be.  So on days were the sun seems to be a bit dimmer and the pain a bit stronger, remember the character of our God and plant yourself at the Gate of Hope.

“Expect to have hope rekindled.  Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.  The dry seasons in life do not last.  The spring rains will come again.”

-Sarah Ban Breathnach

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So, there is this new TV show that is coming out. It’s called Men of a Certain Age.  I haven’t seen an episode, but have only heard the clips that play as I’m jammin’ to Pandora during work.  I’ve got to say, although I have not seen an episode, I do have a soap box and get ready… I’m climbing on it.

The script on the commercial is something like this… “She changed, I changed and so we went our separate ways.”  They are apparently men that are entering the “Second Act” of their lives… the mid-life. Maybe I’m a romantic or an idealist, but the whole premise is frustrating to me because in that one statement that justified the end of the “1st Act” and the beginning of the 2nd was just selfishness.  I guess, the reason it frustrates me is because I’m certain that it’s true. I’m certain that few couples would say that 20 years into their marriage, they are married to the same person they met in their twenties. However, I think that the beautiful thing about marriage is that 20 years into your marriage you could look at the spouse and say, you changed, I changed… and here we are… stronger and better. I think that the only way that probably happens is when you have:

… two people that choose to serve the other
… two people that choose to prefer the other
… two people that take care of the other
… two people that actually do change, but the focus of the change is to become better people individually.

Maybe that’s idealistic… But, that’s my soapbox… Climbing off now.

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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was one of my favorite movies growing up.  There is nothing quite like seeing a good kid strike it big and enter into every child’s dreamland… a factory full of everything that I wasn’t allowed to eat.  You know the story well, the little boy finds a golden ticket that takes him into his candy wonderland. By the end of the movie, Charlie has gone through challenges to his character. And like every good movie he’s still a hero at the end.

Where Is the Golden Ticket?

Most of my life I have been looking for my own version of that golden ticket.  Have you?  When I graduated high school, I needed the fastest ticket out of small town USA. When I graduated college, I needed the fastest answer to “my destiny’s call”.  When things started to get hard at work, I wanted the fastest ticket out of my job and into a new one.  And when I was tired of whatever “season” of life I found myself in, I needed a golden ticket out.  But my golden tickets rarely come…

I love golden tickets… They open doors for you that you’ve been begging to have opened. They give you this amazing high and you can tell that someone’s looking out for you.  But the thing is… when you have a golden ticket to a chocolate factory… at the end of the day, you’ve got a stomach ache and things just don’t look like they did at the beginning… Your pants fit a little snugger and you realize that even though it looked good… It was probably not a good idea.

Maybe the whole idea of a golden ticket is a farce.  Every time I’ve faced something hard and came out on the other side, I was able to emerge with more joy, more peace, more strength and more faith… Not a bad deal, but definitely no golden ticket in hand.

So maybe the question isn’t, “Where is the golden ticket?” Maybe the real question is, “What is it that I need to learn today, right where I am?”

Maybe living the hard times well is the best gift we can give our future.

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“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

— C.S. Lewis (The Four Loves)Tweet