It's Okay Now

Do you ever feel like you’re drowning? Like somehow while the world around you is basking in the beauty of a perfectly sunny day, you’re simply trying to find your way to the surface of the pool of water you seem to be suffocated in?  Like somehow fog, hail, rain and wind have joined forces and you are trapped underneath them all?  Thoughts scrambled, fears elevated, blood pressure heightened, faith shaking while you stare through the fog hoping it will end.  With your mind running in a million directions – you gasp for breath.

You and I may be quite alike.  As I sit here tapping on my keyboard, I am thinking of situations in life where there seems to be no answer, no firm resolve, just more questions.  The other day I was in such a moment. My mind was spinning and fearful “what if” thoughts were my company.  It was as though fear were my companion and his arms were draped around my shoulders daring me to dispute his convincing arguments.   Being the domestic goddess that I am after 3 months of marital bliss,  I was cleaning.  So, I put down my dusting rag and sat on my bedroom floor, looked to the heavens and begged God to make my mind stop.  Quietly as I sat there, I found myself asking to know what is True.  Slowly God began to give me some direction… and I’m finding what He is showing me to be an incredibly liberating act of spiritual warfare.  Because all good steps come in three, I do believe there are (at least) three steps that I am finding to be very effective in keeping the lateral noise (fear due to circumstances in life) from crippling my faith, weakening my joy, and making me walk in fear.

Pursue Confession – Sprinting to the loved one you trust most and confessing the fear, disbelief or obsessive questions seems to quickly disarm the torment.  It’s amazing what can happen the minute the real, God-honest thoughts come to light… They seem a little less true.

Get Out – Declaration is powerful.  A previous colleague of mine told me one time that declaration is different that stating.  When you state something, you’re talking about the natural. When you declare it you’re speaking into the supernatural. Declaration is active. Stating is passive. I’d advise you get out of the storm.  Find something you know is True and declare it.  Declare it like you’d declare your first, middle and last name to the judge.  If fear is your enemy and it’s been knocking on your door— Declare Truth. God is bigger than Fear.  God is bigger than the unknown. Declare it until you believe it. Declare it until it feels like you are looking at the fog, rain, hail and wind beneath you and no longer around you.  Once again, declaring Truth has a way of disarming lies.

Love Being Above – Storms are cyclical. One leaves, another one comes.  We’d all like to believe that we can have perfection on this earth, but it just isn’t going to happen. However, if we can learn to operate and live above the storm, then the joy and hope we will have in this life will exponentially increase.  Once you’ve gotten out you can get above. With the understanding that I may start sounding crazy spiritual I really believe that learning how to look at circumstances, declare Truth and stay above the storm is to stay in the Word.  Love having Godly perspective. Spend time uncovering new Truths from the Bible that you can stand on. Staying in the Word is so important to living a life of victory. And when you love being above the stormy circumstances in life, you’ll put forth the effort and will quickly find it to be effortless.  With an arsenal of God-breathed declarations, it’ll be easier to hold fast to joy and hope as you run to the Bible for solace.

Hebrews 10:23 (NIV)
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

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God is bigger. He’s always been bigger; He’ll always be bigger.
I have to believe it. I have to.

Amy.

I met Amy in 2003 over the phone. She was a speaker for the company that I worked for and was one of the most genuine, lovable Texan beauties I had ever known. Within three fast minutes, we were life-long friends and within three fast months I had only begun to realize the impact she was having in so many lives.

Her Story.

I remember the first time Amy told me her story as we sat in a restaurant overlooking the Boise city streets. A former beauty queen, passionate speaker, heartfelt friend and the biggest giver I’d ever known, I never imagined I’d hear of the tragedy that had colored her life.  From losing her father to losing her husband, pain was not a foreign concept for my dear friend.  Yet, as she told me her story with tears on her cheeks and hope in her eyes, I was once again in awe of the kind of woman that sat before me.

Continuing in her story, she told of her moment of breakthrough when her life began to take shape again. She declared with quiet boldness the verse that had granted her sleep and set her on a firm foundation once again:

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

With those words Amy moved forward and quickly found herself presenting her message before large audiences.  She shared the stage with Heads of States, but her most treasured moments were in ministry as she spoke to battered and bruised women in shelters.

Shocking.

When I moved to Dallas in August of 2007, Amy was the first to greet me, bubbling with excitement and plans.  Our working friendship was over but our real-life friendship had continued.  Her life was full, her joy overflowing and her lasting touch in the lives of people glimmered with the fruit of a life well lived.

So one can imagine my utter shock when I heard the news.  As I was preparing for a women’s conference at my church one spring day, I ran into the grocery store to grab an apple and unexpectedly ran into my friend Jay who I had also worked with during the time when I met Amy.  We caught up very quickly and then he told me of Amy’s fall on stage the week prior and the tests that produced evidence of kidney cancer.  Stage IV.  Terminal.  Nothing can prepare you for a moment like that.  Amy was 41.

God is Bigger.

I hate cancer. It’s an evil disease that seems to cast its sites on the most unsuspecting, precious people.  Yet, my faith was sure and I had a bold confidence that “God is bigger.”

In the days that followed I spoke with Amy and we began to plan the next time we’d meet and catch up.  I asked her how to pray and she told me to pray as I always had and to pray for healing.  I told that I would and I did. With tears streaming down my cheeks and hope in my eyes, I asked the Lord to heal my friend.

Last year, after a 2-month battle with cancer, Amy went to be with Jesus.  A couple of days before she passed away, while at a fundraising dinner for the ministry she had founded, she sent a message:

“Whether in my life or in my death, God will be glorified.”

I remember her telling me a long time ago how she wasn’t afraid of painful things happening to her anymore, because she had seen what God had done for her out of the most horrible tragedies she could have imagined for herself.  She had given her life to the One who had rescued her so many years before, so to her, there was no fear.

Celebration.

Many tears streamed down many faces in the days that followed, but it became so clear that the ministry she had founded was booming with the radiant faces of lives that had been changed as the girls declared the redemption that they had each experienced in their own lives.

I’ve known a lot of people in my life, but if one day I remotely resemble the radiance of Amy, then I will be honored. She was driven, yet soft, passionate and hopeful. Yet, most of all, she had experienced first hand what it was to be loved by God and rescued by His hand.

Tough theology.

I have more faith in God’s healing power today than I have ever had.  Yet, it’s hard to understand cancer. It’s hard to understand healing. But as my friend Jill said at the funeral, “I can just hear Amy in heaven now… ‘You’re never gonna believe this!’”  If anyone is going to love heaven, it’s Amy.  She just beat us there.

Yes, God is bigger than cancer. I’ve seen him heal many people.  God is also bigger than my theology and my understanding.  I’ll miss Amy. But in her death, my eyes were opened to where God was calling me.  On the day she passed away, I wrote in my journal: “Okay, Lord. I’ll do all that you called me to, everything I’m afraid to do.  I’ll do it because I know that she was afraid too.  But she did it… in half the time.”

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Amy Jones, author of book: Twice As Much In Half the Time.

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Peace, Joy, Love and Faith require divine intervention.

I can never love God more than He loves me and I find that every day  I need him more than I did the day before. Relying on His plans rather than controlling my own requires Him… and more than yesterday, I need him today.  I mentioned Isaiah 30 in my last post and since then, I’ve been stuck in that chapter.

“So the Lord must wait for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help.” Isaiah 30:18

Easy to say… but waiting for God when we really don’t know His divine happy ending and if it’s what we really want… well, that requires us to rest in our trust that He really is faithful.

This song has been rocking my world every since the BFF’s hubby told me about it yesterday… Listen and enjoy.  Kim Walker gets me every time…

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Life can get sour and sometimes it happens quickly. Dreams are broken. Hopes become distant and fading. Desires get dismissed.  As much as I’d love to paint you a beautiful picture of the perfection that life could be, it just isn’t.  And when life isn’t perfect and we’re facing dead-on the presence of a broken dream, it can be painful.

When I went to buy this domain name a while ago and decided to call it “It’s Okay Now” those are the things that went through my head.  Life happens… and how amazing would it be if we could be able to look at the past and say, “it’s okay now…”  But the truth is that life happens and when we are in the middle of it… It’s easier said than done.  Hope needs to be rekindled and dreams need to be rebuilt… Today I’ve been thinking for a long time as I drove from Texas to Kansas for the holiday, so we’ll see how well I can even convey my thoughts.  This is probably a more candid post of my thoughts more than anything.

Wikipedia (quite possibly my most favorite domain on the Internet) says that hope in a theological context is one of the three virtues (faith, hope and love). Hope is not a physical emotion, but a spiritual grace. That is what separates it from positive thinking.  I am thankful for hope, because it’s something that I can’t work up on my own. I do believe that it is a spiritual grace, which means that when the emotion depletes, God will restore it… and I know for me, He’s been so faithful to swoop in and restore.

I Will Plant Myself at the Gates of Hope

We choose hope too.  And sometimes we have to fight for it.  When the doubts come, we sometimes have to find our Truth and declare part 2 of the verse:  “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12)

God is Faithful. He can’t not be.  So on days were the sun seems to be a bit dimmer and the pain a bit stronger, remember the character of our God and plant yourself at the Gate of Hope.

“Expect to have hope rekindled.  Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.  The dry seasons in life do not last.  The spring rains will come again.”

-Sarah Ban Breathnach

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